


Talking is Harder

by QuinnThePotato (PotatoQuinn)



Series: Supergirl Drabbles [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Carter is amazing, Cat hates seeing Kara upset, Cat's a good listener, F/F, Panic Attack, Talking, dealing with a panic attack, snuggles and cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 23:26:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13258818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoQuinn/pseuds/QuinnThePotato
Summary: Cat finds Kara in the middle of a panic attack and helps her calm down. Kara explains a little bit, and there's snuggles and ice cream.





	Talking is Harder

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece that happens after 'Smiling is Hard'.

Cat doesn't know anything is wrong, doesn't notice something is off, until she's standing in her bedroom in her robe after her shower. Toweling her hair dry, at least enough that her curls weren't dripping, she has her phone in one hand. She's trying to figure out why Carter wants to come home early. She huffs at his attempt at an excuse, shaking her head and muttering about how she'd taught him better.

(She knows why he wants to come home; that's not the issue. The issue is, he knows how to make believable excuses.)

It's not until she slides her phone into the pocket of her robe (after texting her driver to pick her up in a couple hours) that she realizes her usually tactile girlfriend hasn't so much as brushed her hand over her arm. No kisses, no hugs, no passing carresses. She doesn't realize she loves the soft touches, craves them even, until they aren't happening.

The emptiness hits her suddenly and she sucks in a sharp breath, feeling it physically. She looks to Kara's side of the bed and panics when she finds it empty. She moves forward, yanking the blanket to the side, even though she knows there can't be an actual person under the flat fabric.

There's a whimper from the corner of the room and she spins to find her Kryptonian curled up, as far from the windows as she can get without leaving the room. Hands clamped over her ears, blue eyes squeezed shut tightly, tears still managing to pour down pale cheeks.

The first thing Cat does is turn the red sunlamps on, recognizing the signs of overwhelmed senses. The older blonde grows even more concerned when the reporter doesn't move, not even to relax. She hurries over and kneels down, hands hovering, debating on whether she should risk touching the woman. "Kara?"

The young reporter still doesn't react, so Cat slowly lowers her hands to Kara's arms. Kara whimpers again, her eyes still squeezed shut and her hands still firmly over her ears.

This state the woman seems to be stuck in breaks Cat's heart, and her eyes blur as tear threaten. She blinks them away (mostly) and takes a shaky breath, rubbing her hands up and down Kara's arms in an attempt to comfort.

"Sweetheart, Kara, can you open your eyes for me?" Cat speaks softly, aware that with the red sunlamps dampening Kara's powers, the younger woman might not be able to hear her. That doesn't keep her from trying to soothe her, thought, and she's rewarded when those gorgeous blues flutter open.

She doesn't speak and it takes her a few moments to focus on Cat's face. When she does finally recognize where she is and who she's with, she gasps and moves to bury her face in Cat's neck. "Cat, I- I'm sorry, I-"

Shh, Darling, it's okay, you're okay!" Cat wraps her arms around Kara, lowering herself to the floor to better comfort her girlfriend. She holds her until she's relaxed, and a few moments extra, then she pulls away and looks down, stroking Kara's hair. She pulls her phone out of her robe pocket and texts her driver and her son, setting up a pick-up and drop-off. "Sweetheart, why don't we move to the bed, it's more comfortable?"

Kara nods, and they both get up. They stay practically glued together as they walk over to the bed, and Cat pulls away only long enough to get settled against the headboard with pillows cushioned behind her. Then Kara crawls on, curling up and pressing her face against Cat's stomach.

The two stay silent for a bit then, holding the other, just being. Cat's curious, of course she is, but she knows Kara will explain when she's ready, so she keeps her questions to herself. Though she does spend some of this time speculating.

She wonders if thie is from being kidnapped by Cadmus, or from all the fighting, or...

Or from before. The girl did watch her entire planet die, watched as an entire civilization, her entire civilization, burned.

Cat closes her eyes, scolding her lack of observation internally as she tightens her hold on the woman she loves. A sense of guilt washes over her, shame for not recognizing the signs, for not realizing that of course this strong strong hero is still suffering from such a traumatic experience no child should ever go through. She should have seen the signs earlier. She wonders when this response started, when Kara started having panic attacks like this, or if she always had and she had kept them hidden.

She wonders why Kara would keep the attacks hidden from her (she's not angry, exactly, mostly frustrated that she was kept in the dark and unable to help).

She decides it doesn't matter when Kara begins to speak.

"When I first arrived at the Danvers', I was always quiet, sulking." Her voice is soft and slightly muffled by Cat's belly. "I cried a lot. I couldn't handle small spaces." Her words are clear, and Cat listens closely as she strokes little patterns into Kara's skin. "I was always panicky, always sad. Everyone looked at me like they pitied me. I. I learned soon enough that they didn't look like that when I smiled, when I... pretended I was okay."

Cat feels like crying, hearing this, guessing where she's going with this confession.

Kara takes a breath, turning her head to get some air, but staying relatively still. "I'd convinced myself that, that I wasn't allowed to feel anything negative when everyone around me was always doing their utmost to make me feel welcome, to make me happy."

Cat's heart breaks anew as she processes the words she's heard, and she tangles her fingers in long bonde hair. "Oh Kara..."

Kara's not done talking, however, and Cat bites her lip to keep her emotions in check. "My memories have been leaking into my dreams, into my reality, and something keeps twisting them. Instead of... instead of Krypton, I keep seeing Earth being torn apart as I float helplessly away." She's mumbling now, keeping her head tucked down and her arms snuggly around Cat's waist. "A new fear plagues my mind. Losing Alex, Eliza, J'onn. Losing you and Carter." Her breath hitches and her voice breaks, and there's wetness soaking into Cat's skin where her robe has fallen open, and it's not the kind of wetness she enjoys. Tears stream down Cat's own cheeks, hot and flowing with no end in sight. "Sometimes the memories, the twisted versions, are so vivid, even when I'm awake. I, I get lost. Lately, anyway."

Cat runs her fingers through Kara's hairs, pressing kisses to her head as she tries to wrap her mind around it all. "You, Darling, you know you're allowed to feel whatever you feel. Negative, positive, whatever it is, you are allowed to feel it."

Kara nods, sniffing wetly. "Yeah, I, Alex and Maggie reminded me."

Cat makes a mental note to buy Kara's sisters two bottles of the finest whiskey.

"And I'll keep reminding you everyday. Your feelings are real. You can feel sad, or angry, or scared, or depressed, and we'll all still love you."

Kara doesn't cry, perse, but she snuggles closer to Cat, pressing kisses to the skin she can reach.

Half an hour later, there's a knock on the door, and Kara sits up to help Cat situate her robe. Carter's voice floats through the door. "Mom? Kara? Can I come in?"

She settles next to the older woman as she calls out, "We're decent, come on in Carter."

The teenager walks in hesitantly, grocery bags clutched in his hands. "I uh, I stopped at the store and picked up like, five different kinds of ice cream." He makes his way to the side of the bed, lifting the bags up to indicate what he's talking about, fidgeting a little. "And I brought spoons."

Cat smiles, proud that her son thought to bring something that makes him feel better in order to try and make Kara feel better. She'd only told him that she wasn't feeling the best, and the fact that his first response was to bring something he knew she'd like set her heart at ease.

Kara sniffs and lifts a hand up, waving him over. She pulls on him when he's close enough, hugging him as she takes the bags from him. "Stay if you want," she offers when she lets go, patting the mattress as she looks to see which five flavors he'd brought.

Carter blinks and looks to Cat, who nods, so he climbs on and pulls out three spoons from his pocket. He hands one to each of his parents, ignoring the amused smirk he gets from his mother. He digs into the carton of Moose Tracks when it's handed over, leaning into Kara's side. He's quiet for a minute, like he is when he's thinking really hard. "Do you want to watch something on Netflix? When I'm sad, focusing on a movie helps sometimes."

Kara stops eating, biting her lip and looking like she's about to cry again. Cat feels a little concerned until a small smile stretches at the Kryptonian's lips. "Um, yeah, I'd like that." She nods, blinking rapidly before chomping at a spoonful of ice cream.

Carter smiles back and sets aside his treat to reach for the remote for the TV that's on the wall opposite, turning it on and hitting the button for Netflix. Cat feels a swell of pride, again, watching as the two discuss what to watch.

(The three of them fall asleep to a Disney Movie marathon, and Cat orders that whiskey to be delivered by the weekend the next morning. When Alex and Maggie get home to find an unmarked box with their names on it, they're skeptical until they find the note taped to the side with a loopy scrawl. "For the best sisters a girl can hope for for her girlfriend," it reads, signed with the initials "CG". They open one bottle to taste, and then put it all away for a rainy day.)


End file.
